How the Lack of Diversity & Inclusion in Tech Shaped my Journey
How the Lack of Diversity & Inclusion in Tech Shaped my Journey
Why being a female Principal Engineer affected my journey to becoming an Engineering Manager. What I did to overcome it and some reflections on diversity & inclusion.
Let me share a quick story.
Earlier in my journey as a software engineer, I found myself as the single woman on my team. Of course, it happened more than once. And it still happens from time to time. Sometimes, I felt excluded. Other times, I didn't.
I'm sure you know the feeling of being excluded, but not necessarily for the same reason.
In this text, I'll cover the following topics:
How feeling excluded for being female affected my transition to management.
The feeling of loneliness.
The impostor syndrome.
Diversity & Inclusion possibilities as Engineering Manager. More than just being a technical role model.
Some things that helped in my decision-making process to move to management.
A few words about… diversity and inclusion.
❌ Feeling Lonely is Hard
Some years ago, I became a Principal Engineer. Soon, I noticed I was the only woman holding this position in the network of many of my female connections. Being this person was heavy, and it somehow became a duty. As you can imagine, at the beginning of my journey, I had no female technologists in my network to inspire me. And it is sad to realize that, after two decades, women still share similar difficulties. I didn't want those women to feel lonely, as I felt. I didn't want to disappoint anyone.
The fact is that no matter who we are, at some point, we all feel lonely. Maybe you felt like an outcast at school, work, or even at home. Maybe you’re left behind by friends, colleagues, or family. Because you are too fat or too skinny. Tall or short. Too smart or not smart enough. A person with a physical or mental disability. You're single or divorced. You have children, or you don't. Your sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression. Your socioeconomic status, age, religion, or personal beliefs. The color of your skin. The place you were born. Let's be honest: it is an endless list.
The reasons might be different. Some have been part of your family for generations. Some are deeply hard to deal with. Some you can't change because they are just who you are. Some you can't hide even if you wanted to.
🫣 When the Impostor Syndrome Sets In
It is inevitable to question yourself when everything around you makes you feel like you don't belong. Things become worse when you don't see anyone like you anywhere.
The world around me said that women turn to management because they are not good enough at coding. Because they are not smart or skilled enough to hold technical positions. I heard it so often that I couldn't get it out of my head for years.
I wanted to be good (even in my loneliness). I was trying to prove something. I fought with it as hard as I could. But as I grew in the technical path, I feared that, at any given moment, people would find out that I was an impostor.
You might be thinking that impostor syndrome is something that affects everyone. It isn't only a women's issue. Of course! You're right. But, believe me, it is commonplace for female technologists. Sooner or later, almost all of us get there. No matter how experienced and skilled we are or how often we succeed.
For some, it just never gets better and becomes a lifelong companion.
A few years before shifting to management, I felt confident. I had peace of mind, and my impostor side was just gone. Until I told myself, it was time to decide which path I should focus on. Immediately, my sweetest thoughts became nightmares.
Do you really want to be a manager, or are you considering it because you're not a good Engineer? And what if you can't be a good manager either?
Insecurity took over. There seemed to be no way out. I found myself between the fear of remaining technical and the fear of becoming a manager. So, I froze. And it took me quite a while to unfreeze and open myself to what would come next.
🌎 A New World of Possibilities
Not all women need a female technical role model.
Some of us are looking for people to inspire our management journey. And we can be this person. We just need to focus on our own growth and keep going. And trust me, once this day arrives, you might feel like you're born again. But this time as a role model for people with different aspirations.
Don't forget, from day one, you'll already show people that it is ok to change. You can start again and again, as many times as you feel like. There's nothing more important than discovering what fulfills you.
Once I realized that, my questions changed. Old fears disappeared and gave way to motivating challenges. Switching my focus from insecurities to new opportunities was a game-changer. Thoughts like "Can I be a good manager?" became "What can I do to be a good manager?" among many others.
I accepted that I don't need to be on the technical path. I can make a difference no matter where I am. Sometimes, I will fail, but I'll also learn and succeed.
As Engineering Manager, I can enhance Diversity & Inclusion around me. After all, one of my responsibilities is building a safe environment for my team. An environment where people feel confident to speak up. This is an idea that would have helped me quite a lot if I had considered it back then. But I didn't.
🚀 What Helped Me?
Now, you must be asking yourself what I've actually done to adapt my mindset and move forward.
Here is a list of some essential things that helped me change my perspective. They also help me to keep my impostor syndrome away.
Talking with other people in management roles. Understanding how they feel and what they like or don't like. If they were an individual contributor, also talk about what they miss as managers.
Doing therapy — by the way, I fell in love with schema therapy.
Sharing and embracing my fears.
Meditating.
Finding mentors.
Keeping a diary. It doesn't need to be sophisticated.
Accepting that sometimes I won't find answers by thinking harder. I'll need to go outside and look for them.
Sometimes, a different perspective is all we need to make a decision. And something I've learned with therapy is to have compassion for myself. Your future self can understand where your decisions come from and shift direction. What you will probably regret, though, is letting the circumstances decide for you.
🌈 A Few Words About… Diversity And Inclusion
Discussing diversity and inclusion is not about putting majorities aside. It isn't about taking their places. Instead, it is about building a better environment for all of us. An environment where we all feel included. Have the same opportunities. Are heard. Know that our ideas are valuable. Then, approach challenges with different perspectives, a lot of creativity, and innovation.
I love Toni Carter's definition of inclusive diversity. As she says, diversity doesn't necessarily bring inclusion. You can have a diverse team where people don't feel involved, valued, or respected. Actually, it happens all the time when the diversity speech is limited to companies' brands.
If you have found value in this topic, here are some recommendations you might like:
Inclusive Diversity: The Game Changer by Toni Carter. TEDx Idaho Falls, 2018.
How to get serious about diversity and inclusion in the workplace by Janet Stovall. TED Talks, 2018.
Humanize Diversity and Inclusion by Damien Hooper-Campbell. First Round CEO Summit, 2017.
Teach girls bravery, not perfection by Reshma Saujani. TED Talks, 2016.
That's it for today. It was great talking with you.
I enjoy getting feedback and connecting with people. Don't hesitate to reach out – I'd be happy to chat with you! If you have suggestions for future posts, they are also welcome.
See you in two weeks! 👋