Don't Be a Problem-Sufferer
Don't Be a Problem-Sufferer
Transforming Habitual Complaining into Positive Change
A few weeks ago, my husband complained about our cats' litter boxes three days in a row. Still, he didn’t change anything. Why did he repeatedly complain if he knew the problem was still there? I was intrigued. So, I asked him. And as usual, he made a joke — Dani, you're a problem-solver. I'm a problem-sufferer. We laughed. And based on the title of this text, I must give him some credit.
A problem-sufferer is someone who goes into waves of negativity. Who usually don't see opportunities that can arise from challenging situations.
You don't need to complain about everything to be a problem-sufferer. Instead, you let out things like these (and you may have good reasons):
“It is not my fault. I disagreed with this decision from the beginning.”
“They always do the same thing.”
“Everything is a mess. It will never change/get better.”
It may sound controversial, but suffering can be good. Pain requires immediate action. The problem is when you surrender, and suffering becomes a habit. Changing is easier when it comes before that.
Here are some things you will find here:
The Habit of Complaining
What to Consider When You're Frustrated
You Might Disagree, But You Must Commit
Make Self-reflection a Habit
Recognize When It's Time To Move On
A Few Words About… Chronic Complainers
😩 The Habit of Complaining
Everything can become a habit. Unfortunately, bad habits are easier to develop, and complaining is one of them.
It can start with an attempt to improve. But after many attempts, you stop believing. Complaining becomes a way to relieve frustration. You don't feel like trying is still worth it. Instead, complaining is all you can do. And you may not even realize you’re doing it.
🪟 What to Consider When You're Frustrated
Suppose you're working on a project with your team. You have already shared your concerns but don’t think the solution covers the risks. Before you start complaining about how no one listens to you, ask yourself:
Have you tried a different approach? It could be a communication issue. Remember: same input, same output.
Are you using your past experiences wisely? Or are you just attached to them? Your experience is input. Your last failure, in a different context, might work.
Are you letting your preferences take over? Liking something better is not good enough to push as a solution.
Are you open to other people's perspectives? If you don’t see the big picture, you might have a blind spot.
How many changes have you embraced recently? Be careful if you see yourself as the same person you were three months ago. No change, no growth.
🫱🏿🫲🏾 You Might Disagree, But You Must Commit
Once the team decides something — even if you disagree —, you’re responsible. Teams succeed and fail together.
The best you can do in a failure is move on and focus on solving the problem. Never turn your back to your team and say, “I told you so.” With an open mind and your latest input, you can find a better solution than you had ever thought of before.
👂Make Self-reflection a Habit
Reflect on your struggles, failures, victories, and learnings as often as possible. It might allow you to change the direction before the damage is too big.
If you realize you are complaining too much, take a moment to reflect. Are you being reasonable? Are you helping or holding your team back? Acknowledging your weaknesses is the only way to improve. Act on them with compassion. Allow yourself to grow.
🎒 Recognize When It's Time To Move On
Sometimes, there’s nothing to change. You are no longer a fit. Maybe the company changed, or even you.
Take a look at the people and the relationships around you. Are the company values still aligned with yours? Does the company provide an environment that makes you feel whole? Do you still see purpose in what you do?
You must understand that there are things you cannot change. No matter how badly you want to, they are not your call. A decision has been made, and it might be time to focus on what is up to you. Don't feed the illusion that your surroundings will adapt to your needs. A healthy relationship exists until both sides benefit from it.
👺 A Few Words About… Chronic Complainers
Complaining can be chronic and requires professional support. If you believe you are a chronic complainer or know someone who could be, find help.
You can get some insights from Managing a Chronic Complainer by Manfred F.R. Kets de Vries. They provide meaningful information to deal with chronic complainers. Remember, it is different from what was covered here. According to them, chronic complainers often form the habit in childhood. And it might arise from a need for validation and attention.
Being a problem-sufferer will destroy your power to influence others. Irina, The Caring Techie, shared great articles about influence that might interest you:
I enjoy getting feedback and connecting with people. Don't hesitate to reach out – I'd be happy to chat with you! If you have suggestions for future posts, they are also welcome.
See you in two weeks! 🙂👋