You don’t notice it at first. It feels like progress. You build a reputation, people trust you, and you become the go-to person in your area. But over time, that same identity makes it harder to admit what you don’t know (or to step into something new).

I learned this the hard way.

Years ago, I moved from frontend to full-stack, and eventually into management. But for a long time, I held tightly to the “frontend expert” label. It felt safe. It gave me clarity.

It also quietly limited me.

Staying in that lane wasn’t just about focus, it was about protecting my ego. And that came at a cost: it slowed my growth exactly when I thought I was optimizing for it.

In fast-changing environments, rigid identities don’t age well. Adaptability isn’t a nice-to-have anymore. It’s the core skill.

The shift isn’t about abandoning expertise. It’s about refusing to be defined by it. True experts don’t just go deeper, they stay curious beyond their domain, even when it’s uncomfortable.

The most dangerous moment in your career is when you start believing you’ve “arrived.”

Overview

• ⌛ Why we stay in our lanes

• 🏆 How to break out of the box

• ✅ The danger of the “finished” expert

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⌛ Why we stay in our lanes

We stick to what we know because it makes us feel competent and that feeling is addictive.

It gives us social safety. It positions us as the person with answers. Until one day, the system breaks and we don’t even know where to start.

This gets worse when we operate on assumptions:

• “The backend is just an API.”

• “The frontend is easy.”

• “Data flow isn’t that complex.”

These shortcuts feel efficient, but they quietly narrow your understanding of the system.

Once you see that expertise can become a boundary, the real question is: why do we stay inside it?

Comfort, history, and ego build invisible walls that feel safe, but slow your growth.

The excuses are familiar:

• “If I focus on the backend, I’ll lose my edge in the frontend.”

• “The other side is boring.”

• “This has always worked for me.”

But those are just surface-level stories.

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Underneath, the real drivers are harder to admit:

• The Expert Pedestal: You avoid basic questions because you don’t want to look inexperienced.

• Complexity Bias: Unknown parts of the system feel overwhelming, so you avoid them.

• Silo Mentality: Familiarity feels safe, but it blinds you to the bigger picture.

The moment you recognize this is the moment you can start breaking out of it.

🏆 How to break out of the box

Be the “junior” in the room.

Being a fast learner beats being a static expert.

Some of the biggest shifts in my career came from sitting down with engineers outside my domain and asking for help. That vulnerability broke silos and accelerated everything.

When a team understands the system end-to-end, it stops closing tickets and starts thinking in systems.

Pair across the aisle.

AI can tell you what code does. They won’t show you why it exists.

Sit with someone while they debug a production issue. Watch how they think. That’s where real understanding comes from.

Map the hidden architecture.

You don’t understand a system if you can’t explain it.

Take something you didn’t build and draw the data flow. Force clarity. The “black box” only feels scary until you make it visible.

Celebrate the learning loop.

Stepping out of your comfort zone is uncomfortable by design.

Track it anyway. Small wins compound. Curiosity becomes your edge.

Learning isn’t a chore, it’s the job.

✅ The Danger of the “Finished” Expert.

Don’t let your expertise become your ceiling.

The biggest risk to your career isn’t a new framework or a smarter tool. It’s believing you’re done learning.

The moment you start protecting your expert status, you stop evolving. You become a curator of what you already know instead of a builder of what’s next.

And that doesn’t scale, with your team or your career.

Breaking your own ego is uncomfortable. Admitting you don’t understand parts of the system feels like regression.

It isn’t.

In a market that keeps shifting, the “junior” mindset isn’t a downgrade. It’s your only real form of security.

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🔖 Content You May Like

• 5 engineering dogmas it’s time to retire by . Some of the ‘wisdom’ in engineering that has become legacy.

• The Seniority Rollercoaster by . Exploring the humility required to “start over” in a new domain and why the best seniors never stop learning.

That’s all for today! 🎉

I’m finally back after more than a year away. It took time to decide to return (and even more to actually do it).

For now, I’m focused on writing and getting back into the flow.

I lost my branding/illustration files, so no beautiful visual this time. I’ll get things organized again soon. Consider this a small exercise in not letting perfectionism hold me back.

See you next time 👋

As a procrastinator, I always try to learn the ways out. Many reasons led me to the procrastinator mode, and I'll share my process for managing it.

• ⌛ Why Are You Procrastinating?

• 😶‍🌫️ What Are Your Excuses?

• 🧠 What Is Your Reason?

• 🏆 How Can You Overcome it?

  • Keep track of your tasks.

  • Break things down.

  • Pay attention to your thoughts.

  • Get rid of distractions.

  • Reward yourself.

• 🤯 Watch Your Mental Health.

⌛ Why Are You Procrastinating?

Understanding why you procrastinate is crucial to identifying when you're in this mode. People tend to be motivated more by immediate gratification or rewards than long-term ones. This is called present bias, and it explains why it feels good to procrastinate (until you can't do it anymore).

Things get worse if you make decisions based on assumptions, such as underestimating how long something takes to be done or assuming you need to be in the perfect mood to perform a task.

Procrastination is sustained by a false sense of security when you believe you still have plenty of time to complete something. Unclarity is a powerful enemy for procrastinators. If you don't know the details, the gap between the time you need to invest and what you think it would be gets bigger.

😶‍🌫️ What Is Your Excuse?

Convincing you about something is your brain's superpower. To be able to procrastinate, you find good excuses. If you don't challenge them, procrastination is the only possible output.

• Knowledge: You hide behind a lack of knowledge in how to do something or what you need to do.

• Wiliness: You don't take the initiative to start because you wait for the right moment.

• Habit: You're used to waiting until the last minute and might believe you work better under pressure.

• Overload: You delay one task in favor of another.

• Confidence: You believe you can finish it at the last minute.

Apart from the knowledge, I experienced everything on this list in different situations. For example, the wiliness impacted my journey as an artist. I was always waiting for a moment of inspiration. Art needs a lot of consistency.

🧠 What Is Your Reason?

Passive procrastinators have trouble making decisions to get things done. It could be your case, or if you are like me, you are an active procrastinator and are often confident that you will find a way. It's never a single thing; here are some examples.

• Your bar is too high, and you don't believe you can finish a task that can reach this level. So, you prefer to avoid it because you fear that people will judge you.

• You ignore the details. When you realize the amount of work, it seems too much, and you start postponing it to avoid suffering.

• You struggle to define priorities and find time to finish everything. You push yourself into multi-tasking, foolishly attempting to get more things done.

• You fear the unknown. It brings anxiety and makes you worry about everything. Putting you in a frozen mode.

• You like the challenge of working under pressure. Somehow, you develop satisfaction with it.

🏆 How Can You Overcome It?

Keep track of your tasks.

People often have to-do lists. But getting lost in many tasks is easy, even worse if you tend to get many of them. To-do lists are good, but you also need a prioritization system. Keeping a task journal is also important to understand what you can do.

I often underestimated my tasks. After tracking them, I learned what I was able to do. It made planning much easier and more realistic, helping me delegate and say "no."

Break things down.

It's better to have many small items than a few big ones when keeping a to-do list. It gives you two significant advantages:

• It's difficult to underestimate something when you visualize the details.

• You get more rewards along the way by checking your tasks. It increases your wiliness and motivation.

Pay attention to your thoughts.

Pay attention to thoughts of procrastination and try to resist them. Force yourself to spend a few more minutes working on your task. It often makes the feeling go away. If it doesn't work, allow yourself a break. It works as a reward for your attempt. But set a specific time and go back to what you need to do.

Get rid of distractions.

Turn off any sources of distractions when working on something. The distractions are not always obvious. You need to understand what gets your focus away. Ironically, work is what distracts me more from working.

Reward yourself.

Give yourself small doses of rewards. Identify small things that make you feel good. It can be simple things.

I love rewarding myself with "me time," such as cooking a special meal and drinking a glass of wine. Besides being a reward, these activities also refuel my energy.

🤯 Watch Your Mental Health.

Procrastinators often care too much about whether people like them (social esteem). If you care less about it and more about how you feel about yourself (self-esteem), you'll focus more on what you need to do instead of the fear it brings.

Present bias brings an initial pleasure. But as the urgency increases, your mental health pays the price. You might face an increasing level of stress and anxiety, which also leads to burnout.

Sometimes, procrastination is a symptom of an mental health condition. I lived with depression for years, and the lack of energy made it impossible to start things. It is easier to drop something when you can't figure out how to tackle it or feel insecure about your abilities.

Understanding why you procrastinate helps you prioritize mental health and have a better life.

That's all for today! 🎉

I like getting feedback and connecting with people. Feel free to reach out—I'd love to hear from you! You are also welcome to suggest topics for future posts.

See you next time 👋

If you struggle with perfectionism you're not alone. I’ve been using different tips to deal with situations where it holds me back. Those are the ones that prevent me from wasting my time.

• ✅ Define What Is Good Enough

• ⏰ Add Time Constraints

• 🎯 Keep the Scope Short

• 📢 Make a Public Commitment

• 🫸 Work in Small Blocks

• 👀 Watch Yourself

✅ Define What Is Good Enough

Perfectionism is always bad! For years I believed that it could be good in some circumstances. Don't make the same mistake. Perfectionism only steals your time from important things. Changing the mindset will make you stop finding excuses to justify this behavior.

To figure out what’s good enough, gather examples of what’s not okay, what’s good, and what’s optimal. This will change depending on what you’re working on, giving you a sense of when to stop.

⏰ Add Time Constraints

You will always use all the time you have. Define a time box for your project, its milestones and tasks. If you know how much time you want to invest in an initiative, it will make you think twice before aiming for perfection.

🎯 Keep the Scope Short

I'm just going to add these little things here...

Have you ever found yourself lost in thousands of changes because of this thought? Stay true to your scope to avoid being carried away for enthusiasm led by perfectionism.

Every time you change or increase scope, you're moving back. When something new comes to your mind, take notes and return to your plan. Give your mind a break, and then reflect on the impact of your new ideas in the scope.

📢 Make a Public Commitment

Public commitments increase your motivation to get things done. The audience doesn't need to be large. A single person, like a direct report, your leader, or a peer, also works. Choose a person or group that will cheer you up and be happy to see you succeed.

🫸 Work in Small Blocks

When you break your time, it's easier to get out of the perfectionism loop in case you fail to keep yourself out of it. For example, I usually write for around two hours in four blocks with small breaks. Each break I reflect on whether I'm progressing or losing myself in perfectionism. Then, I decide whether to continue or move to the next step.

👀 Watch Yourself

Avoiding perfectionism gets easier as you increase your toolbox, but it is a work that never ends. Pay extra attention when you’re starting something new. Those are the worst moments for perfectionists, you always want to start perfect.

What are your tools for avoiding perfectionism? Do you have something different from my list? Please share! It would be very helpful.

🔖 Related Content You Might Like

• Deadlines are not so bad, I’ll tell you why by . In this text, Gregor shares how setting deadlines can be beneficial when done correctly. It helps avoiding perfectionism and focusing on simplifying solutions.

That's all for today! 🎉

I like getting feedback and connecting with people. Feel free to reach out—I'd love to hear from you! You are also welcome to suggest topics for future posts.

See you next time 👋

Cultivating and taking care of your mental health, developing resilience, and focusing on what you can change are essential for having a fulfilling life and enduring challenging moments. 

As a consequence of this catastrophe, I took a sick leave around two weeks ago. As a manager, I can't support people when I'm broken. It was a lesson I learned the hard way. Last year, I had a burnout. I was overloaded. The collateral effects of a war that indirectly affected my beloved ones were the last drop of something I couldn't manage anymore. Back then, I didn't take care of myself when I should have. I thought that work would help me. It was already too heavy. I was wrong, and I broke down. Dealing with complex challenges in every aspect of my life was just impossible. 

A few months later, here I am. Now, a climate disaster has washed my memories away and devastated the people I love. I'm not gaúcha (people born in Rio Grande do Sul), but I lived almost my entire adult life in Porto Alegre, south of Brazil. The place I called home for over 20 years has been facing an unbelievable challenge since the end of April. Nature decided to warn us of its power and how insignificant we are in this world.

When a disaster happens, if you're lucky, it happens far away from you. After a few days or weeks, when it stops creating buzz in the media, you forget. It's how your brain protects you. Otherwise, it is too much. You usually can't measure or understand people's pain during such situations. 

I'm a Brazilian living in Berlin. I'm safe and not experiencing the everyday life hundreds of thousands of people face there. Many people are still in survival mode. I'm living the grief of feeling helpless. I know the buildings, the streets, parks, and avenues which are/were underwater. Two years ago, I was there walking around places I just don’t recognize anymore. A few weeks ago, I would fall apart whenever I saw a picture or video of the floods, even though I couldn't imagine the pain or the powerless and hopeless feeling that might have taken over the people who live there.

Before I could put some of my pieces together, my last trigger was an internal note in my company that came from my colleagues in Brazil. It was the reason behind my sick leave. I couldn't hold on, I couldn’t stop crying and paused before breaking into too many pieces. I fully recognize my privilege in having this option. 

The pain is still here, but I'm better, and I can live without crying all day long. I'm strong enough to write about it. What I can do from here besides providing some financial support is to raise awareness, allowing people's voices to go as far as possible. You can do the same.

Apart from that, I want to remind you to take care of yourself. You can't put your mental health aside. And don't think it can be threatened only in a situation like this. A lot of small things slowly take over you and can lead to burnout. No matter what challenges you're facing. Sometimes, it is just too much, and you need time to recover. Please take it and respect yourself. Do it for yourself and for the ones you love. You need to be strong and develop resilience to be able to help. 

And don't forget about the environment. This time it was Brazil's turn, but no one knows where the next climate disaster will happen. If you don't do something, it won't stop. Be the change you want to see.

Do You Want to Help?

Eldorado do Sul is one of the most impacted cities, with 98% of its territory affected by water. Last I saw, 75% of the population was homeless. Half of its territory is still underwater, but inhabitants have already started cleaning what is left.

If you want to help people from this city directly, Juliana Horowitz is a personal friend of mine and someone I fully trust. She is working on an initiative to help people there. The picture that illustrates today's newsletter comes from this group. If you want to know more, you can contact her directly on Instagram.

Information About the Floods

Content Warning: The links below contain images and videos of tragedy and destruction that may be distressing or triggering to some individuals. Viewer discretion is advised.

• The overwhelming scale of loss in Brazil's floods by The Guardian. This article summarizes the most devastating floods in Brazilian history.

• Waterborne disease outbreak after Brazil floods kills four by BBC. The water level is still very high in some rivers. It has been almost one month since the calamity started. Now, people are dealing with waterborne diseases.

• Brazil floods displace hundreds of thousands [Video] by DW. This video provides a brief idea of the problem. The damage will cost billions to repair. 

I didn’t want to skip Today’s newsletter, but it is a moment I can’t only think about career and just be quiet. This space is also a bit of myself and I see it as an opportunity to share some love and awareness.

See you next time 👋

In one of my conversations with Laura, we discussed a lot about the refactoring culture in the company, especially in our team. A team member, Clara, often complains that we don't have a refactoring culture. Laura and I both disagree. So, why does Clara see it this way? What aspects make her think the culture isn’t in place? The irony is that she is the one who opens fewer refactoring PRs, doesn't take the initiative to break things down and improve the code with smaller steps, and doesn't advocate for technical improvement prioritization. I understand where it comes from: she has been here for a long time. She is tired. In her opinion, we must prioritize a project to redo the entire architecture. Otherwise, we can't get rid of technical debt. She is disappointed and believes small changes won't change anything.

You probably worked with someone who complains about the lack of refactoring culture. Or, unlike in my short story above, you are on a team where this culture doesn't exist. No matter which is the case, complaining won't help. Instead, it is a smell that you need to work on the team culture and not too much on what is happening in the code (not yet). Putting all the energy into the code’s problems and prioritizing big projects to deal with technical debt will create temporary relief. If a culture of improvements and refactoring isn’t in place, it is only a matter of time until the next huge refactoring project comes to life.

In this text, I will bring light to the topic and share some practical things that help to reinforce a refactoring culture.

• 🫂 Technical Debt is Part of the Nature of Software Development

• ⌛ Culture Is a Long-Term Investment

• 📣 Advocate For The Culture You Want

  • Cultivate Self-Awareness

  • Split Refactoring from Business Logic PRs

  • Show the Value of the Changes You Introduce

  • Don’t Let Your Motivation Drop

  • Grow and Empower Others

  • Make Onboarding a Priority

  • Don’t Ignore Lack of Ownership

  • Don’t Wait for Your Manager, Be a Leader

🫂 Technical Debt is Part of the Nature of Software Development

A refactoring culture is about routine and consistency, not perfection. Engineers are aligned with the same mindset and naturally make things happen. They don't need to decide; they do. Sometimes, you'll refactor more, sometimes less. It depends on your constraints. But you never stop doing it.

Technical debt will always exist, no matter how strong your refactoring culture is. You need to normalize it. It is something to manage, not something to get rid of. As business requirements, they must have a reason to happen besides the sake of having a perfect code. Your focus must be keeping it under control.

⌛Culture Is a Long-Term Investment

It takes time for culture to change the status quo. Be prepared to put in much effort and not see significant changes for a while. Technical debts require more time to fix than to create. They are usually the easy path in the short term. 

Don't expect a substantial refactoring project to be prioritized against all the other company's priorities to say the culture exists. Instead, you are responsible for explicitly communicating the risks whenever you acknowledge that a project can increase the technical debt. By communicating, you should understand the business language. What are the consequences? Which initiatives can be blocked? How big is the complexity you're introducing? How complex would it be if you decided to postpone it?

Maybe your current status needs a refactoring project because the technical debts are so huge that handling them in smaller pieces is impossible. However, focusing first on the project and later on the culture is a mistake because people tend to relax when the pain decreases.

📣 Advocate For The Culture You Want

You shouldn't wait for someone to advocate for the things you value. When you only complain, you are actually reinforcing a culture where it becomes normal, and no one takes the initiative to solve the problem.

If you truly appreciate a culture of refactoring, make it visible. Bring up conversations and be the role model you want to see. Be aware that the time for significant benefits to appear is proportional to the size of the mess you have on the code.

Cultivate Self-Awareness

Where are you in the culture challenges? Are you complaining, making a difference, or just being neutral and avoiding fatigue? Self-awareness is a powerful tool. If you lack it, you might create harm without realizing it. 

Build your own "chain of whys." Reflect on the reasons behind your decisions. Journaling and working logs are great tools for doing it. The idea is to split what you do consciously and what are automatic choices. The second one is often the source of a weak culture. 

Split Refactoring from Business Logic PRs

When working on introducing business logic, split your PRs into at least two parts — the first with the refactoring and the second with the business logic. Remember, the refactoring doesn't need to be something huge. For example, you can just rename a variable to something easier to understand. If you always start by refactoring, it moves from "if I have time, I’ll do it" to being a regular part of your development flow. Also, isolating the implementation from the refactoring makes PR reviews easier and brings awareness about refactoring efforts. If others see value in it, they will replicate the practice. It creates a domino effect.

Show the Value of the Changes You Introduce

Showcase your refactoring based on impact. Nothing is obvious. Everyone expects that all you do will add value. But how it happens is unclear for many people. And if they don't see it, it won't get that important. Assumptions don't create culture or help maintain it. Here is a trivial example to make the idea more concrete.

I found a variable called a. I had no idea about its purpose. I needed to read three files, more than 200 lines, to understand how it affected the five lines of code I needed to change. It took me more than 40 minutes to get there. Besides introducing the new logic, I also renamed this variable to somethingThatIsEasierToUnderstand. This small change will reduce the cognitive load of the next person that will touch it. In practice, if I had found it this way, it would take me (at least) 40 minutes less to do the same work.

Don’t Let Your Motivation Drop

Keeping culture alive isn’t easy at the beginning when it is still weak. Engagement usually drops over time. Blaming the culture or finger-pointing will not make it better. Take ownership, teach others, and act as a role model. Don’t forget to find a way to keep you motivated. With time, it will be natural, like breathing.

Grow and Empower Others

Many engineers don't know how to refactor code properly. Techniques like shortening the scope and not being lost in a rabbit hole, splitting PRs, starting by adding tests, etc., can be learned. Don't think you can change the world alone. Team culture can't be built by a single person. It is something that everyone must own.

Make Onboarding a Priority

Guiding new team members to the cultural aspects you want to keep in your team is crucial. It is one big reason I don't like to onboard many people on the same team simultaneously. The culture can quickly shift to something unexpected because you don’t have a balance. If you need to do it, make sure people have all they need to learn your team culture.

Don’t Ignore Lack of Ownership

If someone says the refactoring culture doesn't exist, challenge them to start doing it. Don't ignore excuses like "others don't do it, so I won’t." You must work as a team and grow as individuals.

Don’t Wait for Your Manager, Be a Leader

You don't need to be a manager to start a change. You need to be a leader. Leaders are everywhere in many different roles. It isn't about holding a position but being an example and actively engaging others.

🔖 Related Content You Might Like

• How we deleted 4195 code files in 9 hours by . Anton shared an interesting initiative to remove old code. It could inspire you to promote something similar and create visibility about the issue.

• Lead Your Culture by . A good source for managers. Culture is a huge topic, and in this text, many aspects of it are considered.

That's all for today! 🎉

I like getting feedback and connecting with people. Feel free to reach out—I'd love to hear from you! You are also welcome to suggest topics for future posts.

See you next time 👋

I shared some beliefs and behaviors that might block your promotion in my last text. Now, it is time to understand some neglected skills and misunderstandings.

Together, they might be the main reasons for getting stuck and not being promoted, even if you have excellent performance reviews and work results. Remember, it is not about what you do now. It is about what you can do next.

• 🤹‍♀️ You don’t have the technical skills.

• 👆 You’re a follower, not a leader.

• ⏰ You don’t make time.

• 🤑 You don’t prioritize based on value.

• 🗣️ You don’t adjust your communication accordingly.

🤹‍♀️ You don’t have the technical skills.

Great engineers don't necessarily become great Staff or Principal engineers. In most companies, the job responsibilities change, requiring different technical skills. At those levels, problem-solving goes beyond just writing code. It involves anticipating issues and addressing complex problems that affect many teams. Often, the problem is not clear.

It's OK to specialize in a particular tech stack. But if you know only one programming language, paradigm, database, etc., you limit yourself. While having a focus is important, having a broader technical vision is also necessary. You can't rely solely on the same skills you need to perform the expectations at your current level.

Familiarize yourself with diverse data storage methods, ecosystem tools, new concepts, and trends. You don't need to know everything but must know what exists and is available as tooling. Diversifying your knowledge will allow you to tackle different challenges smoothly.

Adaptability and quick learning are crucial. You'll need them to check your options and determine your best move.

👆 You’re a follower, not a leader.

You can be proficient and possess the technical knowledge needed to reach the next level. However, this is not the only qualification that will be considered for a promotion.

Being a leader is not about the role but about behavior. Everyone can be a leader. The higher you are, the more others will see you as a role model — a good or bad one. You must have the skills to lead teams, buy people in, and connect them with a purpose.

If you’re good at finding and solving problems yourself, it’s time to start doing it by influencing others. You may also need effective training and mentoring skills to coach other engineers, which is something you develop over time. Look for opportunities in or outside your team (even outside the company you work for) to put it into practice.

⏰ You don’t make time.

Managing your time is your responsibility. Many engineers complain they don’t have time to work on technical topics. The lack of time is often associated with the difficulty of letting things go and delegating some of your responsibilities to others. Sometimes, it means stepping a bit away from the code. If you can’t manage your time at the senior level, you’re missing a crucial skill for upper levels.

🤑 You don’t prioritize based on value.

People won’t tell you what you should do. You must be the one to understand the problems and propose solutions. If you just wait for people to put things on your plate and focus on tasks that don’t bring that value, you won’t go far.

Expectations are usually set at your own level, not the next one. Exceeding expectations means you’re doing a great job in your current position. It doesn’t mean you’re ready for what comes next. If you want to get there, you must focus on value. And understand that it can come from different places. There’s no single answer. You must understand the business and the struggles and act on them.

🗣️ You don’t adjust your communication accordingly.

Different people with different backgrounds communicate in diverse ways. It is important to understand their language and their needs. The cost of not doing it is getting stuck. You must communicate the value your initiative brings to that specific stakeholder. For example, technical improvements are important, but not for all the public. And let’s be honest, you don’t usually need to explain to a technical person the value of a technical initiative.

If you don’t like negotiating or communicating with non-technical people, focus on business value instead of technical value; the next level might not be for you.

You must become an enabler and go far beyond your team’s board and short-term roadmap. Recognize your tone, be aware of it, find your communication style, and improve it. Also, pay attention to how much backstory you will add to your speech. If you don’t, you might lose people before you get your point across.

🔖 Related Content You Might Like

• The unspoken skill of finesse and Start right before you get eaten by the bear by . Those texts are amazing. The first provides great insights into improving your message, which, in my opinion, is an important skill in how to buy people in by adapting your communication. The second one will help you focus on the message and avoid losing people with too much unnecessary information.

• What I Wish I Knew As a Mid-Level Engineer by . It is not only for mid-levels. Everyone should know those things.

• 3 steps for a FAST promotion to management by . Even if Anton’s text focuses on the management path, in this text, you will find important things that apply to the technical path, too.

That's all for today! 🎉

I like getting feedback and connecting with people. Feel free to reach out—I'd love to hear from you! You are also welcome to suggest topics for future posts.

See you next time 👋

Today, I’ll share the main beliefs and behaviors engineers fall into and must change to be promoted.

• 👴 You’re relying on tenure.

• 🌱 You’re relying too much on your manager.

• ⚖️ You're off balance with technical and non-technical aspects.

• 🎯 You don’t go beyond your primary responsibilities.

• 🤚 You don’t embrace criticism.

👴 You’re relying on tenure.

Longevity in your current position does not guarantee promotion. If you want to move up, learn about the next level. Find out the responsibilities and goals you must achieve to get the job. Talk with people in the same position and with people in roles you would interact with more often. Understanding what they expect, see, and lack in those levels will help you to discover what you need to focus on.

Once you fully understand the expectations, it's time to develop the skills you need. Think about things that will help you develop these skills and how you could start doing them. Maybe you need a course, a mentor, or an opportunity to practice.

🌱 You’re relying too much on your manager.

The higher you go, the higher the level of abstraction you need to deal with. It includes your development. If you expect your manager to say everything you need to do to move to the next level, you will get stuck. At this stage, you must optimize for self-organization and self-direction. You must be able to identify where you are and ask for what you need to move one step ahead. Be self-driven and own your career development. Start as early as you can, and remember to communicate your goals.

⚖️ You're off balance with technical and non-technical aspects.

Do you think of business and technology as separate entities? If so, you have a problem. One doesn’t exist without the other. Technology alone doesn’t make a product or feature; a good idea without technology won’t create anything.

After years, two maladaptive patterns arise among engineers. I call them the business savior and the technical knight.

The business savior understands the importance of having a business going on. However, they focus too much on immediate delivery and sacrifice quality; business people might love them until the “no” arrives due to technical limitations. Meanwhile, the technical knights have been ready to put a sword into the saviors’ hearts. It isn’t difficult to understand. The knights are the ones who need to deal with the mess that was left behind.

The Technical knights are so disappointed with technical debts, spaghetti code, and poor architecture that they feel they must protect it from the business. It leads them to think about the perfect solution from the beginning, developing things that are not necessary because “they won’t have time to fix it in the future”.

Engineers who balance technical and non-technical aspects don’t overengineer. They use workarounds as the last resource. Avoiding refactoring to save time or solving problems with workarounds slows the team down over time due to the number of technical debts. Overengineering adds complexity you don’t need, which will have the same output.

Communicate the risks of not prioritizing a technical project to the business, negotiate smaller improvements on the regular development cycle, and leave the code better than when you found it. Don’t forget cross-functional requirements when defining scope. Product managers often focus on the feature from the customer-facing perspective. Usually, you must be the one who thinks about performance, security, accessibility, and so on. Revisit the architecture and application design constantly. There’s no bulletproof solution. The product will change over time, and the code should adapt to the new needs.

🎯 You don’t go beyond your primary responsibilities.

Don’t hide yourself behind a role. If you can contribute to something, do it. Restricting yourself to the code prevents you from showing that you can expand your impact. You must be flexible, act out of your primary responsibilities, and be outcome-oriented. You must provide solutions, and if you don’t question the status quo, it will be hard, and you will end up providing more complex alternatives that will require more time to develop, which is a waste of money and time.

Here are some examples of things you can do.

• Lead projects from the beginning until the end. Seek opportunities from ideation. Do not step in only when the decision about the “what” is already in place. Remember that “until the end” means fully released and sometimes with data to track results.

• Be a voice on the solution definition. You’re not only there to listen and say “yes” or “no” from a technical perspective. You must also be able to understand the problem and provide smart solutions.

• Be active in cross-team initiatives. Often, projects touch more than one team. Take the opportunity to be the focal point person. Participate in broader technical discussions. If you’re not invited, volunteer.

🤚 You don’t embrace criticism.

If you don't take criticism in a positive way, it’s bad, and it will become worse as you move forward. It could be enough for your manager to step back with a promotion.

Think about what criticism means to you. Does it make you feel insecure? Does it make you think you're not ready for the role? It is time to look at it from a different perspective. Embrace the criticism you receive and make it a growth opportunity. It is the best way to speed up your path to success.

Many people think they are open to feedback when they are not — they just don't realize it. Read one of my previous texts, Feedback: Is Your Brain Tricking You?, and check if that is your case.

Don't wait for people to tell you what's not going well. Be active and seek feedback that will help you grow. Don't underestimate feedback because people often don't provide you with good ones. The quality of the feedback you receive is also your responsibility. Learn how to seek feedback that helps you grow. You will be surprised once you change your approach.

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Your mindset needs to change, and you also need the right skills. Some things become more important than others. What’s nice to have becomes a must-have, and new skills will be required for your next level. In my next text, I’ll share the competencies you need to move up.

🔖 Related Content You Might Like

• Seniority vs Experience vs Competency by . Even if it focused on the hiring perspective, in this text, Nicola brings essential aspects that you could use to grow your career.

• How to Self-Manage Even if You Have a Manager (Your Future Self Will Thank You) by . Irina shares amazing tips on how to self-manage. It will help you accelerate your growth and make you less dependent on your manager.

That's all for today! 🎉

I like getting feedback and connecting with people. Feel free to reach out—I'd love to hear from you! You are also welcome to suggest topics for future posts.

See you next time 👋

There's nothing wrong about seeking a promotion. But understanding why and where you are getting yourself in is crucial to avoid frustration. In this text, I'll share what you need to know before spending your energy on trying to level up and help you see if it is exactly what you want.

• 🛣️ The Y Career Path

• 🔓Unveil the Myth

• ❓ Understand Your Reasons

  • 🏢 Seeking Power

  • 🌟 Build a Reputation

  • 🤹‍♀️ Find New Challenges

  • 🪙 Increase Compensation

• 🧱 Acknowledging Painful Obstacles

  • 📈 You Don’t Define Priorities

  • 🤷‍♀️ Uncertainty Is the New Normal

  • 💬 Dealing With Long Feedback Cycles

🛣️ The Y Career Path

Becoming a manager was the only way to level up years ago. People who wanted to stay technical had no option. It was the norm to see bad managers who were previously outstanding engineers. It was clear that a good engineer didn't make a good manager. And the Y career path came to solve the issue. Now, individual contributors can stay technical, get promotions, and increase their earnings. Even if there are many nuances across different companies, the roles of staff and principal engineers are not so close to the previous ones.

The problem with management positions continues to happen in a different context. We do have bad staff and principal engineers who were exceptional senior engineers. The point isn't that they are still learning. So, what is the matter? The scope and responsibilities change drastically.

🔓Unveil the Myth

Growing is not about being in a specific role. It means more than promotion. It is moving towards where you want to be, considering your own values and definition of success. In a world where competition is key, and people usually compare themselves to others, the mindset is just one — if you have a higher position, you are more successful. It is a myth. Success is different for every single person. It is about fulfillment. And it can be found on the next level or not.

❓ Understand Your Reasons

Understanding why you want a promotion will give you enough information to make a conscious decision and then create a strategy to help you get there, whether you discover your goal is a promotion or not.

🏢 Seeking Power

You might feel uncomfortable just by reading the word power because there is a lot of stigma around it. But it isn't necessarily a bad thing. It provides a practical means for achieving goals by leading people's effort and productivity. Don’t forget that authority comes from your title, and power is primarily a result of your competence and credibility. Power with authority is weak, and it is just what you get by leveling up. Instead, influencing people without using authority will be a change-maker towards your success, no matter your role or company.

🌟 Build a Reputation

Do you think people will respect or recognize you by your title? You might be right at first glance, but as they know you, it tends to be the other way around. They will see your position as legitimate if they see you as competent and trustworthy. Otherwise, if it is just a title, behind the scenes, your reputation will be far from what you expect. If it is a reputation that you want, you need to be more visible. Start soon! You don't need to wait for a promotion. Your work is your best CV.

🤹‍♀️ Find New Challenges

It might be a good reason to aim for a promotion if you are interested in the challenges of the next-level position. Make sure you know what the next level looks like. Ask your manager to help you identify if you're a match and, if not, what’s missing. Talk with people who are already in this position. After understanding the responsibilities and challenges of that role, ask yourself what you would and wouldn't like to do and what you can be flexible with. Then, identify what you must leave behind and how comfortable you are with it. Finally, ask yourself if those are the challenges you were expecting.

🪙 Increase Compensation

Of course, everyone wants to have a good salary and live comfortably. Let's say you have already reached this point. Is compensation the most important thing still? Remember, while promotions come with more money and occasionally other perks, those things do not necessarily fulfill you.

🧱 Acknowledging Painful Obstacles

Many people get stuck and frustrated when they arrive at the staff level, even more at the principal. The constraints to making things happen are hard, and many good ideas never become reality. Even if you understand the problem well and propose solutions, it will only bring value if you get them done. And this is what will be expected from you.

📈 You Don’t Define Priorities

You often don't belong to a product team; you're working cross-team, which means you must “fight” with more than one product backlog to push technical initiatives. Your time is limited, and the problems you will face are bigger than a pull request. So, forget about doing things on your own. You’ll depend on others even more.

🤷‍♀️ Uncertainty Is the New Normal

Your responsibilities become more abstract the higher you go, and expectations get shady. You will lead, even if not in a formal leadership position. People won’t tell you what to do. You must figure it out by yourself.

Many people lack the skills or don't like to work with uncertainty. But as you level up, uncertainty grows, and figuring out a path becomes part of your daily work life.

💬 Dealing With Long Feedback Cycles

If you love the engineering life of coding, opening a PR, deploying, and seeing the results in production, you might consider carefully the decision to get a promotion. This kind of activity, which results in a shot feedback cycle, might still happen, but not so often. You will be involved in bigger and more complex initiatives that will take a lot of time from you, mostly aligning and documenting stuff.

Watch what you want.

Before seeking promotions, be highly self-aware and discover what fulfills you. Things you enjoy can be outside the scope of the new role. And things you don't like can become one of your main responsibilities, decreasing your overall happiness. Spending most of your time doing something that makes you feel miserable would be your worst decision.

🔖 Related Content You Might Like

• Why Influence Without Authority Is a Vital Skill for Anyone by . It is a text about being effective and making people voluntarily listen to you and be excited about it, with or without positional authority.

That's all for today! 🎉

If you want a promotion and are not getting it, my next text will explore why it might be happening and provide some insights into how to change it.

I like getting feedback and connecting with people. Feel free to reach out – I'd love to hear from you! If you have suggestions for future content, they are also welcome.

See you next time 👋

My partner always says, “Dani, if someone wants you to do something, they just need to gamify it.” He is right. But there is more: the learning potential is exponential when we have fun.

Speed feedback is an activity inspired by speed dating. All team members sit in pairs in a private place, and each person has a specific time to give feedback. In the meantime, the other person pays attention and takes notes. Then, the sender and receiver switch positions. Once they finish, pairs are changed until all team members have had this conversation with one another.

Initially, people use this activity to express appreciation for peers and celebrate their contributions. Sometimes, they also follow up on previous constructive feedback, such as recognizing something you’ve already improved. As feedback gets natural inside the team, they might start with suggestions for improvement. But don’t worry about what exactly they share. The main goals are to build connections and make feedback part of the team’s routine.

⚠️ Keep in mind that this activity doesn’t replace regular feedback.

The traditional activity is usually done in person. If you adapt it a bit, you can run it online and get a similar output. Gamifying it allows you to boost the experience and move it to the next level.

Today, I will share the resources and the information you need to make it happen. Have fun!

• 🛤️ The Feedback Journey

• 📋Preparing the Game

  • 👭 Participants

  • 🗨️ Communication Tool

  • 📝 The Board’s Draft

  • 📋 Rounds’ Matrix

  • ⏰ Timer

• 🗓 Before the Event

• 🎮 It Is Feedback Time!

  • 🧊 Icebreaker

  • ✅ Recap

  • 🔂 Rounds

  • 🏁 Closing the Session

• 🧰 Resources

🛤️ The Feedback Journey

Every game needs a name! I named it The Feedback Journey because it can start a journey where people feel comfortable giving and receiving feedback. Feel free to find a name that suits your team better. It can be something to play with — like using different names or themes every time you run this game.

📋Preparing the Game

First, schedule the meeting and share what the team members can expect. You can do it in three steps:

1. Schedule a one-hour meeting about one month in advance. Add a brief introduction about speed feedback in the description. Depending on your team’s size, you may need to rethink the time slot.

2. Create a custom Gather office and share it with the team. Ask them to get used to it before the session.

3. Share a draft of the Miro board with all the information the team needs to participate. Here are some ideas in case you need inspiration.

👭 Participants

No previous experience is required. It is better to run this session with 5–8 participants (no more than 10 people). You CANNOT split the team. You must adapt something if your team is bigger or smaller than that.

🗨️ Communication Tool

Gather.town will give people the idea of being in a real office. You can customize it. Create how many 101s spaces you need. The image below shows my Gather office, which has five rooms on the top. It makes switching rooms easier.

Gather allows you to set the maximum number of people in a space. You can set it to two for each 101 room you define. So, anyone can jump into a round by mistake when the pair already started (or hasn’t finished yet).

You can download the background and customize the environment using Gather’s build tool. Feel free to create your own space. If your team likes it, they can also use it for everyday work!

📝 The Board’s Draft

Why a draft? Preparing the matrix and timer requires some manual work. If you build them before receiving confirmations and someone can’t join, you will have a lot of work to redo.

The draft should contain the instructions your team needs to know in advance. Hide the icebreakers. They don't need to jump into them yet. Once the session begins, you can gradually share the hidden content and keep the focus on the moment.

📋 Rounds’ Matrix

You can finish the board when all the team members have answered the invite. To make it easier, here is a spreadsheet to help you define the pairs in each round. You need to make a copy and add the participants' names to the sheet Names. Then, you can see the combinations on the sheet Rounds. Now, it is just about adding it to the Miro board.

You probably want your team members’ pictures next to their names. Take some time to organize a beautiful table of rounds. Customization is a powerful tool for engagement. You can also add something fun to it. The more you know your team, the more you can customize and keep them curious.

⏰ Timer

Two minutes is a good time for each person to speak. If you decide to change, keep it shorter than 3 minutes. Save one minute for people to switch between rooms. As your team gets used to it, you can adapt.\

Marinara Timer is a good tool for creating a shared timer. Everyone can open the preview link on their computer and be notified when the timer is over. It keeps synchronized with all participants. So, you don’t need a specific person to handle the timer.

🗓 Before the Event

To make it work, people must prepare their feedback in advance as they only have a few minutes to provide it.

Share some feedback tips with your reminders. They can learn a bit along the way instead of ignoring the same message every week. Use your creativity! You can use quizzes and surveys or share interesting articles — anything that helps people engage!

🎮 It Is Feedback Time!

The day has finally arrived! Go to the virtual meeting room and wait for everyone to be there.

🧊 Icebreaker

It’s always nice to start with an icebreaker, especially if it’s your team’s first time. Some people feel anxious about feedback, and having a few minutes to relax could be helpful.

The template contains two open questions that are easy to start: “How do you feel right now?” and “What do you expect from this session?” Add some rules, like answering with an image, emoji, or single word, and give your team a minute to answer. Then, some extra time to talk about it.

✅ Recap

You must guarantee that everyone understands the process and is ready to go. Share your screen and explain the process one more time. You can use the Miro board to guide you. All the information you need to share with your team is there.

🔂 Rounds

Start the timer and enjoy the session with your team! Everyone should have three tabs opened: the Gather virtual office, the Marinara timer, and the Miro board.

🏁 Closing the Session

It is interesting to do a wrap-up at the end. Try repeating the question you started with: “How do you feel right now?” and ask everyone to speak about it. It is always interesting to listen to how they felt and what insights they got during the session.

Before you leave, let’s do a quick recap!

1. Do the pre-work to organize the session.

   1. Create the Miro board with all the instructions, including the table of rounds.

   2. Set the timer with all the intervals

   3. Customize the Gather virtual office

   4. Invite the team

2. Keep people engaged by sending reminders with feedback tips until the event day.

3. Enjoy the time with your team

   1. Start with an icebreaker

   2. Ensure everyone understands how the game works

   3. Start the timer; people self-organize, so you don’t need to worry too much about the rounds.

   4. Close the session with a cool-down activity

   5. Ask for feedback

🧰 Resources

• Templates (appointment messages, reminders, etc.)

• Gather.town map (background)

• Rounds builder spreadsheet

• Miro board

🔖 Related Content You Might Like

• Start a feedback culture in your team in 1h. Reed ’s a post to learn more about speed feedback and discover how to facilitate a non-gamified version if you think it fits your team better.

That’s all for today! 🎉

If you run this activity, please share your insights with me. I would love to hear how it was, how you adapted, and how useful it was for your team. Help me to improve mine, either.

See you next time. 👋

Passive feedback mainly helps you do well in your current position. You must actively seek feedback to move forward in your journey.

Today, I’ll share some tips you can use to help people provide you with actionable feedback.

• 🎯 Setting Clear Short-Term Goals

• 🤯 Gathering Feedback from Diverse Perspectives

• 😍 How Do You Like to Receive Feedback?

• 🗣️ Making Feedback a Common Topic During Your 101s

• 🚣 Guiding Your Career

• ❤️‍🩹 Unlocking the Value of Passive Feedback

🎯 Setting Clear Short-Term Goals

Understanding your short-term goals is crucial for seeking feedback. SMART goals help you discover what you need feedback on. If you are unfamiliar with SMART goals, here is a brief idea of how to use them.

Let’s assume you would like to improve your communication skills.

• Specific: What does “improve” mean to you? Do you want to write clearly or speak with confidence? Are you aiming to communicate better with non-technical people? Or do you prefer to enhance your influence among peers?

• Measurable: How do you define success? How can you measure your progress? Think about the impact. Don’t use Yes-No as a metric; instead, seek something that will show your progress on the way. It helps you to adjust priorities if you’re not seeing the results you expect.

• Achievable: Do you have what you need to make it happen? Experience? Guidance? Do you need to complete another goal first? Do you feel motivated enough?

• Relevant: How does it fit into your overall career plan?

• Time-bound: When do you plan to achieve it? What’s a reasonable time frame? If it takes longer than expected, are you still committed? Or are there quicker ways to get value?

🤯 Gathering Feedback from Diverse Perspectives

When seeking feedback, it’s essential to be selective and strategic in your approach. You must have more than one person covering the following aspects for each SMART goal.

• Who can provide you with advice? Focus on individuals with more expertise than you. Don’t just seek feedback from those who think similarly to you. People who approach things differently often offer more valuable insights.

• Who can validate your growth? Gather feedback from those affected by your initiatives. It’s beneficial to have input from more than one person here.

Consider that you want to enhance your mentoring skills. An experienced mentor would provide you feedback on your plans and experiences. They would also open your mind to things you haven’t considered. But your mentees are the ones who can help you understand if your approach is working. Still, relying solely on feedback from one mentee can be biased as it is limited to a single perspective. By gathering feedback from more people, you gain insights to identify patterns. It can help you differ individual preferences and areas for improvement. Additionally, input from different mentees can show underlying issues they might not be able to give you directly, such as the need to set clear expectations. And if you don’t realize it by yourself, a more experienced person will help you.

😍 How Do You Like to Receive Feedback?

When it comes to feedback, you might have your preferences. Have you ever thought about it? How would you like to receive it? If you answered this question with a feedback model, like SBI (Situation-Behavior-Impact), you should know there is more to consider.

It is often suggested to give feedback immediately, in person, and following an established format. Have you considered it may not mean you will make the most of the feedback? Reflect on what format, timing, or place would be most effective for you. And when you are ready, share your preferences with others.

• Format: What format works best for you? Does the SBI model suit you, or would you prefer something else?

• Advice: Would you like advice on how to improve? If yes, should people give it immediately, or do you prefer to have some time to think first?

• Timing: Do you want to receive feedback as soon as possible? Or do you prefer to avoid the end of the day because it might distract you from precious time with your family? Have you ever considered how the sender feels about it? Do they need time to process?

• Place: Do you prefer discussing feedback in a meeting or receiving it in writing? Would you like a follow-up meeting later, or would you prefer to keep it asynchronous?

🗣️ Making Feedback a Common Topic During Your 101s

The first 101 with a team member is an excellent opportunity to discuss feedback preferences. You can start building a culture of feedback right from the beginning of your relationship. Don’t wait until you need feedback to talk about it. Don’t mention it only once. Make discussing feedback a regular part of your interactions. You can share what you’ve learned from past experiences. Also, your preferences may change as you meet different people and discover new approaches. You want to keep everyone updated and guarantee the channel is always open.

If you’re already part of a team but have never talked about feedback preferences, take the initiative to start the conversation. Many people wish they received more feedback. If you’re one of them, begin by seeking feedback actively. Break the ice by sharing that you’re willing to receive feedback. Tell people what you’re focused on. Share your preferences. Ask if they miss it as you do. Ensure you know how you can help them too. The feedback channel flows naturally when it is reciprocal.

🚣 Guiding Your Career

A career plan helps you to decide what’s most important to focus on first. It shouldn’t be tied to a specific job title but to the work experience you want. Without it, you might spread your efforts across various initiatives and waste your social capital asking for feedback on things that won’t bring that value to your journey.

Even if it is tempting to expect your manager to set up a career plan for you, don’t make this mistake — craft your own plan. Then, ask your manager for their thoughts. Do they think it suits you? Do they see something you missed? What would they do in your place? What’s feasible in your team or company? With a good plan in place, it is easier for your manager to sponsor you. Being sponsored is one of the most effective ways to grow fast.

In the end, your career plan is personal. It shows the direction you want to go. It must go beyond your current position, company, or manager’s expectations. It is your north star to create goals and seek feedback that helps you move in the direction you want to.

❤️‍🩹 Unlocking the Value of Passive Feedback

Even though you actively seek feedback, you might still receive passive ones, which can also be a valuable tool for your development. It often involves areas where you may not perform well and don’t realize it — it shows your blind spots.

People may struggle to provide structured feedback when a culture of openness isn’t in place. In this case, you will only hear about issues after they have already caused damage. And often, the feedback won’t come well structured.

Still, there’s a good side. Someone is willing to give you feedback. Don’t miss this opportunity. Use the tips you just learned to help this person provide you with more actionable input next time. And if the feedback they gave is something you want to focus on, you already have a good candidate to validate your progress on this new goal.

🔖 Related Content You Might Like

• Vague Feedback Blocking Promo? by . Here, you will learn a framework to get better from vague feedback. It can be very insightful in how to deal with passive feedback.

• Super Specific Feedback: How to give actionable feedback on work output by . You can get great insights to help you understand how feedback could work in your favor and improve your skills in giving actionable feedback to others. I always learn a lot from Wes’ texts, and this one is very inspiring.

Before I finish, I want to thank for the valuable feedback he provided on this text. It helped me to create better content for you. 🩵

That’s all for today! 🎉

If this text helped you, consider sharing it.

I like getting feedback and connecting with people. Feel free to reach out – I’d love to hear from you! If you have suggestions for future posts, they are also welcome.

See you next time. 👋

When your brain operates in primitive mode, everything revolves around safety. Negative feedback (or just feedback) could make you feel uncomfortable. And it is something that your brain needs to protect you from.

This essay will help you understand when you're reacting to feedback — even if you don’t know you’re doing it. It offers tips to help you build consciousness and fix any damage that may have already been created.

• 🔍 Identifying Signs of Reactivity

• ❤️‍🩹 Addressing Your Defensive Behavior

  • Expanding Self-Awareness

  • Developing Emotional Maturity

  • Splitting Who You Are from the Feedback You Receive

• 📭 Keeping the Feedback Line Open

  • Being the Best Feedback Giver You Can

  • Opening Yourself Up to Feedback

  • Reconnecting with Lost Feedback Givers

• ⚔️ A Few Words About… Origins of Defensive Reactions

🔍 Identifying Signs of Reactivity

There are many different ways to react poorly to feedback. If you don’t have a high level of self-awareness, you might miss some signs. But people may notice them and feel discouraged from giving you feedback again. When this happens, a wall starts being built between you and those around you. Reactiveness only prevents you from connecting with others and delays your growth.

• Intimidating body language. The way your body moves and reacts often communicates more than your words. For example, staring too much, crossing your arms, or heavily sighing can intimidate others.

• Explaining feedback. The feeling of belonging is a basic human need. Being part of social groups is vital for a fulfilling life. When someone in the group gives you feedback, it might make you scared of being left out. So, you might feel like you need to explain yourself. Not necessarily because you disagree but because you want to fit in.

• Asking questions without thinking. If you ask for examples without thinking about what was said, you might be reacting to feedback. When you genuinely want to understand something, you express curiosity and excitement. It usually takes at least a few minutes.

• Being biased about the person giving feedback. Feedback is easier to accept when you trust and believe in the person giving it. If you have a bias against them, you might ignore what they say, even if it's helpful. Just because you don't like someone doesn't mean they don't have valuable things to share.

• Looking for hidden messages. Your brain always looks for ways to make you comfortable. It doesn't matter if it is real; it just needs to seem reasonable. Trying to interpret what people meant instead of focusing on what they said can be a sign of it. Remember, it can be a big source of misunderstandings.

❤️‍🩹 Addressing Your Defensive Behavior

Addressing defensive behavior is crucial for your growth. When you notice you're feeling defensive, take it as an opportunity to react better. Focus on being open, keeping a growing mindset, and staying strong when facing criticism.

Expanding Self-Awareness

Appreciating feedback doesn't mean you will never react to it. Sometimes, people give feedback in a way that isn't helpful. It can trigger your defense mode, and you might not even realize it. Developing self-awareness can help you recognize when you're reacting defensively. Here are some simple suggestions to achieve it.

• Clean your mind. Meditation improves your awareness. But you don't need anything fancy. Taking a moment to pause and reflect might be enough. You can also do simple activities like washing dishes, gardening, or watching TV shows.

• Keep a journal. Don't focus too much on what happens; instead, on how you feel. If something annoys you or makes you happy, write a few notes. It helps you to acknowledge your feelings.

• Check your hypothesis with trusted people. To be aware of how you come across to others, you must rely on your peers, friends, and mentors. Who you believe you are does not always match how you behave. Let people know your fears and insecurities. And validate if they see things as you do.

• Consider therapy. Therapy isn't just for tough times. It can help you understand yourself better and learn new ways to handle situations.

• Try psychometric tests. Tests like Myers-Briggs or DISC can help you learn more about yourself. They give you a report about your behavior traits based on your answers to questions. CliftonStrengths and Predictive Index are other examples.

Developing Emotional Maturity

Mastering your emotions based on what's happening can help you handle tough feedback. When you're emotionally mature, you can think clearly about situations and not react impulsively. This skill lets you notice small feelings that you might usually ignore. As a result, it can stop you from feeling too stressed or upset when things get difficult.

As you may notice, self-awareness is really important for becoming emotionally mature. But there are other things you must do to get better at it.

• Face reality. Take ownership of your reality and acknowledge it. Reality is not affected or influenced by what you think about it. Focus on what you can change instead of dwelling on what you can't. Recognizing when things are beyond your control is important to keep healthy. It isn't about accepting everything but seeing where and how you can be successful.

• Stick to your values. Stay true to your principles. It might help you to decide when to sacrifice short-term wishes for long-term benefits.

• Set life goals. Having clear goals gives you something to work toward. Even if you fail, it keeps you motivated and gives you the energy to persevere.

• Take responsibility. Own up to your mistakes. It helps you to learn and grow as an individual. Learning from them is crucial for your growth. Sometimes, you might avoid it because you don't have a choice that makes you comfortable. But you're always in charge of your decisions and actions — no matter the situation.

• Delay Instant Gratification. Success often requires sacrificing immediate pleasure. You must be able to tolerate some level of discomfort to succeed in life. Self-control, patience, persistence, and effort are the key.

Splitting Who You Are from the Feedback You Receive

The feedback you get isn't about judging you as a person. It's just input to help you do better. If you switch your mindset and consider it an opportunity to grow, you'll be more open to hearing how you can improve without fear of making mistakes.

Even though it's not easy, being ready to listen to feedback can make a big difference in your personal and work life. Getting fearful about feedback only adds stress and stops you from learning important things.

📭 Keeping the Feedback Line Open

Open communication is the best alternative to promote a relationship where feedback flows both ways regularly. If you didn't react well to feedback in the past, not everything is lost. You can still make it work. Of course, fixing relationships is harder than building them from scratch.

Being the Best Feedback Giver You Can

When you hold something for too long, you forget what happened but never how you feel. The same happens to others. Change this behavior and give people feedback as soon as possible, when things are still small.

Being the best giver is also about being a good receiver. But this topic deserves an article on its own. Here are some things you can apply immediately.

• Give feedback as soon as possible.

• Understand how people prefer to receive feedback (and follow it).

• Be direct; don’t sugar-coat reality.

• You don’t need to provide solutions, but you can if they want it.

• Put yourself on their feet.

Opening Yourself Up to Feedback

Being open to feedback doesn't mean saying it to yourself and thinking you already are. You must talk to others about it. Human brains fill gaps. There's nothing you can do to change it. It is how brains work. Depending on your culture, when the topic is feedback, people might think you're not open if you don't talk about it explicitly. So, ensure you will close this gap.

• Align about feedback in 1:1s. When you meet with a new teammate, talk about feedback right away. Let them know you value it and ask how they feel about it. Remind people occasionally that you're open to hearing their thoughts.

• Provide appreciation when receiving feedback. Even if it's not perfect, thank people for taking the time to give it. You can figure out how to make it more helpful later.

• Own your mistakes. It shows you're open to feedback and willing to improve. People will appreciate your effort — and probably be motivated to provide you with more feedback.

• Follow up on feedback. When people give feedback, they usually expect some output. Take some time to reflect. If there's nothing you can change, explain why. Showing people the big picture can clear misunderstandings. If you realize you need to improve on something, do it. Acting is the best output you can provide.

Reconnecting with Lost Feedback Givers

Creating space for people to speak up is always good, but it is crucial when they are less experienced than you. You can do this by talking about team challenges or technical solutions in team meetings or 1:1s.

Rebuilding trust can be tough. Let them know you're open to feedback and acknowledge their previous efforts. Start by asking for feedback on something specific. When they know what to focus on, they can give helpful insights. As you’re already focused on it, they'll notice changes sooner. It shows how you value their input and that they no longer need to fear your reactiveness.

Don't forget to ask if they want feedback and how they prefer to receive it. When the time comes, give it to them.

⚔️ A Few Words About… Origins of Defensive Reactions

Research from Experimental Social Psychology (ESP) shows that who gives feedback and what they say can affect how you react. If someone in your group gives you feedback, you might feel more upset than if it came from someone outside the group. Also, hearing feedback about your behavior rather than your skills can be harder to handle. It might make you less motivated to listen or improve.

Knowing human reactions to emotions can help you both ways, giving or receiving feedback. Defensiveness isn't just a random reaction — it has scientific reasons behind it.

📝 Related Content You Might Like

I enjoy reading content related to my writing topics, and I've shared some of my favorites below. They offer valuable insights into giving feedback effectively.

• Giving Feedback: Dealing with Defensiveness by Rebecca Zucker. According to Rebecca, the desire to avoid conflict stops many people from giving feedback. She details steps to follow when providing feedback to avoid defensive reactions.

• Strategy, not self-expression: How to decide what to say when giving feedback by Wes Kao. Wes explores the reasons why traditional ways of giving feedback fail. Everything is about not triggering defensiveness. She says one needs to be strategic in providing feedback. I couldn’t agree more.

• Engineers’ Guide to Feedback by Nicola Ballotta. Learn how you can provide effective feedback with Nicola's framework.

That's all for today! 👋

In my next essay, I'll talk about how to get useful feedback that helps you improve instead of vague feedback that's hard to act on.

I like getting feedback and connecting with people. Feel free to reach out – I'd love to hear from you!

If you have suggestions for future posts, they are also welcome.

See you next time :)

A problem-sufferer is someone who goes into waves of negativity. Who usually don't see opportunities that can arise from challenging situations.

You don't need to complain about everything to be a problem-sufferer. Instead, you let out things like these (and you may have good reasons):

• “It is not my fault. I disagreed with this decision from the beginning.”

• “They always do the same thing.”

• “Everything is a mess. It will never change/get better.”

It may sound controversial, but suffering can be good. Pain requires immediate action. The problem is when you surrender, and suffering becomes a habit. Changing is easier when it comes before that.

Here are some things you will find here:

• The Habit of Complaining

• What to Consider When You're Frustrated

• You Might Disagree, But You Must Commit

• Make Self-reflection a Habit

• Recognize When It's Time To Move On

• A Few Words About… Chronic Complainers

😩 The Habit of Complaining

Everything can become a habit. Unfortunately, bad habits are easier to develop, and complaining is one of them.

It can start with an attempt to improve. But after many attempts, you stop believing. Complaining becomes a way to relieve frustration. You don't feel like trying is still worth it. Instead, complaining is all you can do. And you may not even realize you’re doing it. 

🪟 What to Consider When You're Frustrated

Suppose you're working on a project with your team. You have already shared your concerns but don’t think the solution covers the risks. Before you start complaining about how no one listens to you, ask yourself:

• Have you tried a different approach? It could be a communication issue. Remember: same input, same output.

• Are you using your past experiences wisely? Or are you just attached to them? Your experience is input. Your last failure, in a different context, might work.

• Are you letting your preferences take over? Liking something better is not good enough to push as a solution.

• Are you open to other people's perspectives? If you don’t see the big picture, you might have a blind spot.

• How many changes have you embraced recently? Be careful if you see yourself as the same person you were three months ago. No change, no growth.

🫱🏿‍🫲🏾 You Might Disagree, But You Must Commit

Once the team decides something — even if you disagree —, you’re responsible. Teams succeed and fail together.

The best you can do in a failure is move on and focus on solving the problem. Never turn your back to your team and say, “I told you so.” With an open mind and your latest input, you can find a better solution than you had ever thought of before.

👂Make Self-reflection a Habit

Reflect on your struggles, failures, victories, and learnings as often as possible. It might allow you to change the direction before the damage is too big.

If you realize you are complaining too much, take a moment to reflect. Are you being reasonable? Are you helping or holding your team back? Acknowledging your weaknesses is the only way to improve. Act on them with compassion. Allow yourself to grow.

🎒 Recognize When It's Time To Move On

Sometimes, there’s nothing to change. You are no longer a fit. Maybe the company changed, or even you.

Take a look at the people and the relationships around you. Are the company values still aligned with yours? Does the company provide an environment that makes you feel whole? Do you still see purpose in what you do?

You must understand that there are things you cannot change. No matter how badly you want to, they are not your call. A decision has been made, and it might be time to focus on what is up to you. Don't feed the illusion that your surroundings will adapt to your needs. A healthy relationship exists until both sides benefit from it.

👺 A Few Words About… Chronic Complainers

Complaining can be chronic and requires professional support. If you believe you are a chronic complainer or know someone who could be, find help.

You can get some insights from Managing a Chronic Complainer by Manfred F.R. Kets de Vries. They provide meaningful information to deal with chronic complainers. Remember, it is different from what was covered here. According to them, chronic complainers often form the habit in childhood. And it might arise from a need for validation and attention.

Being a problem-sufferer will destroy your power to influence others. Irina, The Caring Techie, shared great articles about influence that might interest you:

• Why influence without authority is a vital skill for anyone

• Top 5 mistakes that sabotage your ability to influence others

I enjoy getting feedback and connecting with people. Don't hesitate to reach out – I'd be happy to chat with you! If you have suggestions for future posts, they are also welcome.

See you in two weeks! 🙂👋

Earlier in my journey as a software engineer, I found myself as the single woman on my team. Of course, it happened more than once. And it still happens from time to time. Sometimes, I felt excluded. Other times, I didn't.

I'm sure you know the feeling of being excluded, but not necessarily for the same reason.

In this text, I'll cover the following topics:

• How feeling excluded for being female affected my transition to management.

• The feeling of loneliness.

• The impostor syndrome.

• Diversity & Inclusion possibilities as Engineering Manager. More than just being a technical role model.

• Some things that helped in my decision-making process to move to management.

• A few words about… diversity and inclusion.

❌ Feeling Lonely is Hard

Some years ago, I became a Principal Engineer. Soon, I noticed I was the only woman holding this position in the network of many of my female connections. Being this person was heavy, and it somehow became a duty. As you can imagine, at the beginning of my journey, I had no female technologists in my network to inspire me. And it is sad to realize that, after two decades, women still share similar difficulties. I didn't want those women to feel lonely, as I felt. I didn't want to disappoint anyone.

The fact is that no matter who we are, at some point, we all feel lonely. Maybe you felt like an outcast at school, work, or even at home. Maybe you’re left behind by friends, colleagues, or family. Because you are too fat or too skinny. Tall or short. Too smart or not smart enough. A person with a physical or mental disability. You're single or divorced. You have children, or you don't. Your sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression. Your socioeconomic status, age, religion, or personal beliefs. The color of your skin. The place you were born. Let's be honest: it is an endless list.

The reasons might be different. Some have been part of your family for generations. Some are deeply hard to deal with. Some you can't change because they are just who you are. Some you can't hide even if you wanted to.

🫣 When the Impostor Syndrome Sets In

It is inevitable to question yourself when everything around you makes you feel like you don't belong. Things become worse when you don't see anyone like you anywhere.

The world around me said that women turn to management because they are not good enough at coding. Because they are not smart or skilled enough to hold technical positions. I heard it so often that I couldn't get it out of my head for years.

I wanted to be good (even in my loneliness). I was trying to prove something. I fought with it as hard as I could. But as I grew in the technical path, I feared that, at any given moment, people would find out that I was an impostor.

You might be thinking that impostor syndrome is something that affects everyone. It isn't only a women's issue. Of course! You're right. But, believe me, it is commonplace for female technologists. Sooner or later, almost all of us get there. No matter how experienced and skilled we are or how often we succeed.

For some, it just never gets better and becomes a lifelong companion.

A few years before shifting to management, I felt confident. I had peace of mind, and my impostor side was just gone. Until I told myself, it was time to decide which path I should focus on. Immediately, my sweetest thoughts became nightmares.

Do you really want to be a manager, or are you considering it because you're not a good Engineer? And what if you can't be a good manager either?

Insecurity took over. There seemed to be no way out. I found myself between the fear of remaining technical and the fear of becoming a manager. So, I froze. And it took me quite a while to unfreeze and open myself to what would come next.

🌎 A New World of Possibilities

Not all women need a female technical role model.

Some of us are looking for people to inspire our management journey. And we can be this person. We just need to focus on our own growth and keep going. And trust me, once this day arrives, you might feel like you're born again. But this time as a role model for people with different aspirations.

Don't forget, from day one, you'll already show people that it is ok to change. You can start again and again, as many times as you feel like. There's nothing more important than discovering what fulfills you.

Once I realized that, my questions changed. Old fears disappeared and gave way to motivating challenges. Switching my focus from insecurities to new opportunities was a game-changer. Thoughts like "Can I be a good manager?" became "What can I do to be a good manager?" among many others.

I accepted that I don't need to be on the technical path. I can make a difference no matter where I am. Sometimes, I will fail, but I'll also learn and succeed.

As Engineering Manager, I can enhance Diversity & Inclusion around me. After all, one of my responsibilities is building a safe environment for my team. An environment where people feel confident to speak up. This is an idea that would have helped me quite a lot if I had considered it back then. But I didn't.

🚀 What Helped Me?

Now, you must be asking yourself what I've actually done to adapt my mindset and move forward.

Here is a list of some essential things that helped me change my perspective. They also help me to keep my impostor syndrome away.

• Talking with other people in management roles. Understanding how they feel and what they like or don't like. If they were an individual contributor, also talk about what they miss as managers.

• Doing therapy — by the way, I fell in love with schema therapy.

• Sharing and embracing my fears.

• Meditating.

• Finding mentors.

• Keeping a diary. It doesn't need to be sophisticated.

• Accepting that sometimes I won't find answers by thinking harder. I'll need to go outside and look for them.

Sometimes, a different perspective is all we need to make a decision. And something I've learned with therapy is to have compassion for myself. Your future self can understand where your decisions come from and shift direction. What you will probably regret, though, is letting the circumstances decide for you.

🌈 A Few Words About… Diversity And Inclusion

Discussing diversity and inclusion is not about putting majorities aside. It isn't about taking their places. Instead, it is about building a better environment for all of us. An environment where we all feel included. Have the same opportunities. Are heard. Know that our ideas are valuable. Then, approach challenges with different perspectives, a lot of creativity, and innovation.

I love Toni Carter's definition of inclusive diversity. As she says, diversity doesn't necessarily bring inclusion. You can have a diverse team where people don't feel involved, valued, or respected. Actually, it happens all the time when the diversity speech is limited to companies' brands.

If you have found value in this topic, here are some recommendations you might like:

• Inclusive Diversity: The Game Changer by Toni Carter. TEDx Idaho Falls, 2018.

• How to get serious about diversity and inclusion in the workplace by Janet Stovall. TED Talks, 2018.

• Humanize Diversity and Inclusion by Damien Hooper-Campbell. First Round CEO Summit, 2017.

• Teach girls bravery, not perfection by Reshma Saujani. TED Talks, 2016.

That's it for today. It was great talking with you.

I enjoy getting feedback and connecting with people. Don't hesitate to reach out – I'd be happy to chat with you! If you have suggestions for future posts, they are also welcome.

See you in two weeks! 👋